


Who needs the universe anyway?

by TheSpaminator



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Don't worry, F/F, I Had To, I laughed at the idea so I had to write it, Rating for Language, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, The soulmate AU no one asked for, and humor, and the teeniest little bit of angst, but it doesn't have any bearing on Hollstein, this is just pure fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-23
Updated: 2016-02-23
Packaged: 2018-05-22 19:25:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6091542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSpaminator/pseuds/TheSpaminator
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The soulmate name AU no one saw coming. It's hilarious and I love it.</p><p>Find me on the internet: <a href="http://www.twitter.com/sampaicamfin">Twitter</a>, <a href="http://www.thespaminator.tumblr.com">Tumblr</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	Who needs the universe anyway?

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd and unedited (It is 1:30 am and my alarm goes off at 5:30 for work. I'm not editing before posting, I need sleep more than I need correct spelling and grammar.)

There was this idea that soulmates were the most romantic ideal anyone could aspire to. An idea that the universe liked to dangle in front of someone’s face only to laugh maniacally when you reached to grab for it before the cosmos with a sense of humour would yank the possibility away before you could grasp for it.

 

Of course, the universe wasn’t entirely cruel as it did offer you a clue. But perhaps, maybe it was doubly cruel as it offers you _two_ clues in the form of two names. You thought finding one person in the sea of billions was hard? Well finding two is worse. But oh, that isn’t even the whole of it. Not even close.

 

In another show of the unendingly ironic personality of the great beyond, the two names did not belong to your soulmate, or rather _soulmates._ No, only one of the names had that honour. The other? That one belonged to your mortal enemy, the person you were fated to disagree with, hate, loathe, abhor, become rival to, etc. Pick your adjective, they all fit. And of course, you weren’t told which was which. You just woke up on your 16th birthday to find a name on each wrist. Many people moaned and whined about how unfair it was to have to figure out who it was you were meant to be with, but most people weren’t actually surprised. Or rather, Carmilla wasn’t.

 

She had seen it all and was not even slightly shocked that the answer wasn’t just handed to you. Most especially as she had seen many couples that had in a both humorous and tragic turn of events turned out to actually be each others enemies, not soulmates. The funny thing about strong feelings like love or hate, they were two sides to the same coin and you couldn’t have either without strong chemistry. But people are stupid. Stupid enough to mistake negative chemistry for that fated ‘spark’ oft spoken of by those who had actually found their soulmate. The knowledge that their name resided on their wrist along with the hope that they were the one tended to blind people into settling with the wrong person.

 

Funny thing, hope. It was good at allowing you to ignore all your worries, in this case meaning your enemy. A solid majority of people spent their lives in optimism that the first person they meet is the ‘right’ one and never bother to think that maybe they should hold a little doubt. At least in the beginning. This often resulted in rushed weddings and eventually a drastic increase in divorce rates.

 

Sometimes those enemy marriages ‘lasted’ for lack of a better term. Meaning that to match the skyrocketing divorce rates, there were very high statistics for unhappy marriages. So as you can imagine, many people became disillusioned to the whole idea and even refused to engage with either of their names or even actively avoided them. Actually finding your soulmate was surprisingly rare, all things considered. There was even a rumour that once you’d been with them up until a certain point, you would know. As in, _know_ like the universe would give you a sign, or something. It was more of an urban legend though, and one that Carmilla most certainly did not put any stock into.

 

So yes, the universe liked to complicate things, was cruel and had a very sadistic streak. But there was some sort of poetic irony in the whole thing though, wasn’t there?

 

***

 

Carmilla had gotten her names on the morning of her 16th birthday, same as everyone else. She wasn’t filled with excitement like most people however, as she had seen first hand what could happen when someone choose the wrong person as she had the example in her parents. They had divorced when she was 14 years old, after years of an unhappy marriage and by that point Carmilla had been completely against the idea of finding a ‘match’ so to speak. So instead of showing them off to her few close friends, or perusing her yearbook to see if either name belonged to someone in her school, she pulled out the leather cuffs she’d bought the week before and snapped them around her wrists. That was the last she thought of them that day, the only time she ever remembered they existed was when she removed the cuffs to shower.

 

She managed to survive that way for years in fact, clear into her time in university. And she was entirely ambivalent to the fact, not feeling any pressing need to fill either the soulmate or mortal enemy slots in her life. Of course she knew both names by heart, who wouldn’t after that much time? She was 19 years old and had seen them everyday over the years by that point so she really didn’t have a choice in that much, but she didn’t ever pay them any mind other than making sure her occasional hook up’s _did not_ posses either name. The very thought of accidentally sleeping with either of them without knowing it made her shudder. Thankfully she didn’t have to worry about any girls giving her fake names, as the type to want a one night thing were simply scratching an itch, biding the time until one of their names came along. Knowing this didn’t bother Carmilla one bit, she was also scratching an itch albeit with a different expectation. She wasn’t biding time, she was quite literally fulfilling her urges.

 

And she had hoped to continue that way, but the stupid universe had other plans, as all hell broke loose when she turned up for orientation day in her sophomore year.

 

***

 

“What do you mean I have a roommate?!” Carmilla was seething, her fists were clenched at her sides and she leaned forwards menacingly over the curly haired redhead seated at the orientation table in front of her. She wore one of those sticker name tags and the name ‘Perry’ was scrawled across it in neat cursive.

 

“I’m sorry miss Karnstein, but we ran out of single rooms before your request form was submitted. We had no choice but to room you with another student.” The woman seemed slightly taken aback by the raven haired girl’s hostility, but she admirably stood her metaphorical ground.

 

Carmilla simply narrowed her eyes further, glaring for a few moments before snatching the paper with her room assignment from the woman’s hands and turning on her heel to stride with purpose towards the building named on the now crinkled form in her hand. She had skimmed the information, and to make matters even worse the name of her roommate wasn’t even listed. A sense of dread filled her bones but she ignored it, chalking it up to her rampant paranoia over the whole soulmate thing.

 

In no time, Carmilla was across the campus and stomping her combat boot clad feet on the third floor landing of a stupidly old building, walking up to stop in front of a door with the number 307 affixed to it. She heard shuffling on the other side of the door and with a groan, she twisted the knob and pushed it open. It swung back with more force than she had expected, but she didn’t flinch. The same couldn’t be said for the occupant already in the room.

 

A tiny girl with long honey brown hair squeaked and turned, grabbing the headboard of the nearest bed for support and clutching her other hand over her chest in surprise.

 

With a roll of her eyes Carmilla simply strode in with a casual “Hey” slipping from her lips as she dropped her duffel bag.

 

“Ummm, excuse me but who the hell are you?” The brunette’s brow was furrowed, and she just stared at the raven haired girl as she then swung her backpack onto the empty mattress on the other side of the room.

 

“Carmilla. I’m your new roommate sweetheart.” She missed seeing the brunette freeze entirely in place, mouth agape and eyes glazed in shock as she was still turned, rummaging through her bag and pulling out a handful of books to place on the empty headboard of her now claimed bed.

 

Before the brunette had a chance to regain her composure and _do something_ , a third person was knocking on the door frame and addressing them.

 

“Hey guys, I just wanted to welcome you to the building!” A startlingly tall redhead was standing in the doorway, almost filling it with her height. Carmilla didn’t even turn around, instead continuing to rifle through her belongings.

 

The tiny girl rolled her eyes at Carmilla’s back and looked instead at the newcomer, extending a hand for a handshake. Carmilla could hear the smile in her voice when she addressed the redhead. “Hey! Thanks for the welcome, this is my roommate Carmilla,” She excitedly gestured at the raven haired girl, waiting for her to acknowledge the introduction. She didn’t and Danny just scoffed at her rudeness and turned back to Laura. ”And my name is Laura Hollis, what’s yours?”

 

 _Now_ it was Carmilla’s turn to react, freezing much like.... _Laura Hollis_.... had moments before. But it went unbeknownst to either of the women as the redhead started stumbling over her words, causing confusion to spread across Laura’s features.

 

Without saying another word, Danny excitedly tugged her sleeve up to reveal Laura’s name on her wrist. Glee was writ in her features and Carmilla would have found the wide eyed look on Laura’s face to be comical if she weren’t having her own personal crisis in that moment.

 

The redhead laughed and did a little dance in place.

 

“Ummm, I have to ask then. What’s your name?” Laura’s voice was filled with a peculiar emotion, one Carmilla couldn’t name and that the redhead didn’t seem to hear in her excitement.

 

“Oh my god, I’m sorry. My name is Danny! Danny Lawrence.” She smiled widely. “Now show me your wrists!”

 

Carmilla didn’t think it possible, but her already frozen state had just multiplied tenfold, and she was sure she may spontaneously combust at any moment.

 

_Danny Lawrence._

 

_No. Fucking. Way._

 

Laura’s emotion became apparent in that moment, regret showing clear in her expression. “Oh. Umm.. wow. I had heard this could happen.... but I didn’t think it was real???” At Danny’s confused expression the brunette simply turned her wrists outward, showing that neither name belonged to Danny.

 

The redhead’s face fell at the sight. It was even more rare than finding your soulmate was, but it happened. Sometimes connections weren’t shared. See? Universe. Colossal dickhead.

 

While Carmilla hadn’t reacted to Laura’s wide eyed stare at the earlier realization, this time she did. She just cracked, she really couldn’t help it. She just started laughing, and she couldn’t stop.

 

Her laugh was loud and full, and she had to suddenly sit on her bed for fear of losing her footing.

 

_Oh this was fucking rich! WHAT WERE THE CHANCES._

 

“Something funny Elvira?” The previously defensive posture of Danny morphed into an offensive one at Carmilla’s reaction, thinking she was laughing at her poor fortune. Which, okay. Maybe she was a little, but not entirely. Not even mostly. The situation was just too fucking insane. Who wouldn’t crack under the pressure?

 

In lieu of a verbal answer, Carmilla ended up rolling from the bed and onto the floor with her breath coming in gasps. “I CAN’T. OH MY GOD. I CAN’T.” Tears were streaming down her face, and when she opened her eyes to see two displeased expressions looking down on her, she simply continued to laugh as she removed her cuffs and thrust both arms into the air, exposing her wrists to other people for the first time.

 

She was full on cackling, even through the immediate flush and slight grin on Laura’s face at the sight of her name swirled across one of Carmilla’s wrist. The other read Danny Lawrence, clear as day. The redhead was less than pleased. She simply gaped in disbelief at the words, blinking a few times as though to clear her vision in hopes it would clear and read something else. It didn’t. Carmilla guffawed as Danny’s eyes went from Laura to Carmilla and back and forth a few times before she threw her hands up and just turned and walked out of the room.

 

Laura quickly shut the door and turned, her back still to the wood as Carmilla began collecting herself, lifting herself off the floor and clutching her now sore abdomen from the intense laughing episode. The occasional snicker still escaped, the utter ridiculousness of the situation still apparent.

 

“Oh my god, I feel so badly for her.” Laura’s hands were raised to her cheeks, a look of horror adorning her features.

 

“Cupcake, she’ll get over it.” The raven haired girl was seated on her bed again, her giggles mostly stifled as she watched Laura carefully through partially lidded eyes. The tiny girl stepped forward and lowered her hands, peering at Carmilla curiously.

 

“Sooo..... you might be my soulmate huh?”

 

Carmilla chuckled at this. “Creampuff, I’m actually pretty sure I _am_ your soulmate.” As much as it pained her to admit it, she had to own up to the inevitable truth at some point. And she did have to share a room with the girl for a whole year, may as well do it on at least halfway decent terms. She may have never wanted to meet her soulmate or enemy, but she knew it was a possibility. Admittedly, she hadn’t considered that it would be an eventuality. She may have disliked the concept, but it didn’t change the truth in it. And so far, having the brunette around looked to be full of the potential for hilarity and that did hold promise.

 

With a suspicious frown, Laura didn’t back down. “What makes you so sure? We could be enemies. Danny could be your soulmate you know.” Carmilla grimaced at that.

 

“I don’t think the ginger giant and I will be getting cuddly any time soon. No, scratch that. Ever. She rubbed me the wrong way from the start. I have no desire to touch that ten foot pole, not even with another ten foot pole.” She scrunched her nose up distastefully. “Plus, what makes you so sure your other name could be it for you?”

 

“Oh I dunno, maybe I’ll get along famously with the mysterious person known as Baron Vordenburg.” Laura’s voice was filled with laughter but it was quickly cut off by more laughter from the raven haired girl.

 

“NO FUCKING WAY!” She was in danger of peeing herself from all the hysterics in the short amount of time that had elapsed since she’d first walked into the room. Laura was once again, confused. “Jesus christ, buttercup. How has this day even happened? It is not only statistically improbable, but I feel like the chances must be 1 in 6 billion. This can’t have ever happened before. What the shit.” Carmilla dragged both her hands down her face and groaned, a few stray chuckles sneaking into it. She sighed and pulled herself into a proper sitting position again as her gaze locked with Laura’s. “Laura, I know Baron Vordenburg. He happens to be an acquaintance of my mothers and he is a stodgy, very old, and hellishly annoying man. And did I mention old? Cause he’s like, super old.”

 

The expression on Laura’s face was priceless and Carmilla had to work very hard not to break into tears for the sake of her bladder. “So unless you have some fetishes for old white men with conservative leanings, I think we’re it.”

 

“Wow, yeah no. I’m way too gay for that. And too young. And too liberal.” Laura’s eyes had glazed over, and she shuddered slightly as her imagination no doubt provided her with less than appealing images.

 

Carmilla smiled, tilting her head to the side as she studied Laura fully for the first time.

 

_Maybe this whole soulmate thing isn’t so bad after all._

 

***

 

Years later, after they’d both finished university, backpacked through a few continents, found steady jobs and moved into a house together they found out that the urban legend was true.

 

A brand new couch sat in the centre of their sparse living room, a few boxes surrounding them while they sprawled over each other in a sweaty tangle of limbs. They had to break in the house, after all.

 

Carmilla was on her back, Laura stretched across her front on top of her and enjoying the feeling of the raven haired woman’s fingers carding through her long honey brown hair. Ruminating on the fact that she’d been so against the idea in her youth, Carmilla smiled. She had never been as glad that she’d given it a real shot with Laura as she was in that moment, feeling more content and happy than she ever thought she’d have a right to. The thought danced through her mind without preamble, the silence in the room remaining undisturbed.

 

_I want to marry this girl someday._

 

Imagine her surprise when Laura lifted her head from her chest, met her eyes and replied without speaking, her mouth only grinning cheekily.

 

_Is this a proposal or was I not supposed to hear that?_

**Author's Note:**

> Soulmate/Enemy AU with SURPRISE soulmate mind reading thrown in. Fun stuff hey?
> 
> Okay but I harbour an unhealthy hatred for Danny Lawrence. I apologize to any of you who love her (no I don't. I don't apologize, who's apologizing here?) but I just needed the catalyst for Carmilla's mental break. And you KNOW she'd find it fucking hysterical for Danny's heart to break right in front of her.
> 
> Anyway, comment away my little pterodactyls! Let me know what you think.
> 
> Love Sam


End file.
